Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children, and no theories. ~John Wilmot

If you have never been hated by your child you have never been a parent. ~Bette Davis

Simply having children does not make mothers. ~John A. Shedd

If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders. ~Abigail Van Buren

The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable.
~Lane Olinghouse

Don't handicap your children by making their lives easy. ~Robert A. Heinlein

Although there are many trial marriages... there is no such thing as a trial child. ~Gail Sheehy

Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children. ~Charles R. Swindoll

If nature had arranged that husbands and wives should have children alternatively, there would never be more than three in a family. ~Lawrence Housman

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out. ~Erma Bombeck

You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.
~Franklin P. Jones

Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners. ~Author Unknown

The most important thing that parents can teach their children is how to get along without them. ~Frank A. Clark

It is better to bind your children to you by a feeling of respect and by gentleness, than by fear. ~Terence

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. ~Leo Burke

Insanity is hereditary - you get it from your kids. ~Sam Levenson

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?" ~Milton Berle

Being a mother isn't simply a matter of having children. To think that is as absurd as believing that having a piano makes one a musician. ~Sydney Harris

You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going. ~P. J. O'Rourke

I was cesarean born. You can't really tell, although whenever I leave a house, I go out through a window ~Steven Wright

Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective. ~P. J. O'Rourke

When a child is allowed to do absolutely as he pleases, it will not be long until nothing pleases him. ~Anonymous

Everyone is in awe of the lion tamer in a cage with half a dozen lions - everyone but a school bus driver. ~Unknown

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it, or leave it. ~Buddy Hackett

Families with babies and families without are so sorry for each other. ~Ed Howe